Wade Robson choreographed this dance last night on So You Think You Can Dance
It's Incredible
It's Moving
It is my favorite thing at this moment.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
This Stuff??
This... stuff? Oh... ok. I see, you think this has nothing to do with you. You go to your closet and you select out, oh I don't know, that lumpy blue sweater, for instance, because you're trying to tell the world that you take yourself too seriously to care about what you put on your back. But what you don't know is that that sweater is not just blue, it's not turquoise, it's not lapis, it's actually cerulean. You're also blithely unaware of the fact that in 2002, Oscar de la Renta did a collection of cerulean gowns. And then I think it was Yves St. Laurent, wasn't it, who showed cerulean military jackets? And then cerulean quickly showed up in the collections of eight different designers. Then it filtered down through the department stores and then trickled on down into some tragic Casual Corner where you, no doubt, fished it out of some clearance bin. However, that blue represents millions of dollars and countless jobs and so it's sort of comical to me how you think that you've made a choice that exempts you from the fashion industry when, in fact, you're wearing the sweater that was selected for you by the people in this room. From a pile of stuff.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Rosemary's Baby...
So this is something that has always boggled my mind! If you are in a public place. Be it Restaurant, Hair Salon, Spa, etc. why you feel the need to bring your misbehaved toddler and all of their toys including a play pin and all of those fucking rattle toys??
It is 12:45 and I am sitting at the salon trying to get rid of a headache caused by a night of drinking before. Just as I felt the calming effects of my advil kick in. This little brat starts screaming at the top of his lungs. Blood curdling screams. The mom is laughing and thinks "he is just tired! Well if he is fucking tired PUT THAT BITCH TO SLEEP!!!!! OR take him to one of those Drop and Go day cares! Thats what the fuck they are for!! I mean there are other clients in here trying to have a relaxing experience and they cant because this demon is being sacrificed!
Now there is another kid that looks a little like Chicken Little in here and he is playing with trucks or cars or some shit and he is making the noises! STOP! LEAVE THEM AT HOME!
I feel like I am working at DisneyCuts or SillyScissors! This is not a daycare/ salon!
I have to go...I have foils in my hair and I don't want to overprocess...because then I will scream louder than that little fucker ever thought about!
oh and PS....Now they are singing some God Damn Nursery Rhyme! Thats right Bitch...Take that thing to a N U R S E R Y!
Basically my day is this.....
It is 12:45 and I am sitting at the salon trying to get rid of a headache caused by a night of drinking before. Just as I felt the calming effects of my advil kick in. This little brat starts screaming at the top of his lungs. Blood curdling screams. The mom is laughing and thinks "he is just tired! Well if he is fucking tired PUT THAT BITCH TO SLEEP!!!!! OR take him to one of those Drop and Go day cares! Thats what the fuck they are for!! I mean there are other clients in here trying to have a relaxing experience and they cant because this demon is being sacrificed!
Now there is another kid that looks a little like Chicken Little in here and he is playing with trucks or cars or some shit and he is making the noises! STOP! LEAVE THEM AT HOME!
I feel like I am working at DisneyCuts or SillyScissors! This is not a daycare/ salon!
I have to go...I have foils in my hair and I don't want to overprocess...because then I will scream louder than that little fucker ever thought about!
oh and PS....Now they are singing some God Damn Nursery Rhyme! Thats right Bitch...Take that thing to a N U R S E R Y!
Basically my day is this.....
Saturday, July 26, 2008
I Really Love Diversity!
For those who don't know I work at a salon in an area of Nashville called "Germantown." It's almost a mini wisteria Lane ( for those who watch Desperate Housewives). Historic old houses, families walking there dogs, business men having lunch at the cafe' across the street, those types of things.
However...Only a couple blocks away is the mission. This provides for great entertainment. Sometimes I see my favorite homeless woman Esther walking by with her Colt 45 and sometimes I see Darnell riding his bicycle in his skechers flip flops and brown bag in hand, and then SOMETIMES I see things I have never seen before!
Take for instance about 15 minutes ago as I was enjoying the effects of adderall, coffee and a nice cigarette outside on the phone with my mother. I hear a scream. Not a scream of fear, but a scream of anger. True Rage. I could have easily walked back inside, but then I wouldn't have a story to tell. I told my mother I would call her back. I needed to focus. This was going to be really really good.
In the distance I see a woman who looks like this....
and a man who looks like this......
She is screaming at him saying! "Iz all cuz uh your damn dranking problem!" "Yew knew I wuz trine to be good at yew!"
He is being calm as can be and by the way the dude is CLEARLY sober and she is CLEARLY piss ass drunk! As they get even closer to me she slaps him in the face and spits on him! He keeps saying "Babay, I'm try-nuh make it work fo us! I'm finna' get uh jobs next week. You know I be lovin you gurl!" She is not trying to hear his sweet talk at this point. She told him that sugar coated lies dont mean nuttin and she was going to leave him. You should also know that she is wearing denim cut offs (VERY short) a grey V neck ( It looked like American Apparel or she was just trying out that "hipster look" for summer) and she had one of those purses that is really small but the strap is like longer than your entire torso and she is holding her straw wedge sandals in her hand. She walked to the other side of the street and that was that!
I really wish Tyra Banks would have been here! She probably would have recruited that girl for the next "cycle" or Top Model! Or she would have gone undercover as a drunk homeless woman on her show! She would have changed that poor womans life!
This was definitely the highlight of an otherwise DULL day!
I get off in 30 minutes
and I am going to drink
and it won't be smart water..
Maybe I will try and find that homeless woman...I bet we would get along so well...and I have a couple Deep V's that I am looking to get rid of!
However...Only a couple blocks away is the mission. This provides for great entertainment. Sometimes I see my favorite homeless woman Esther walking by with her Colt 45 and sometimes I see Darnell riding his bicycle in his skechers flip flops and brown bag in hand, and then SOMETIMES I see things I have never seen before!
Take for instance about 15 minutes ago as I was enjoying the effects of adderall, coffee and a nice cigarette outside on the phone with my mother. I hear a scream. Not a scream of fear, but a scream of anger. True Rage. I could have easily walked back inside, but then I wouldn't have a story to tell. I told my mother I would call her back. I needed to focus. This was going to be really really good.
In the distance I see a woman who looks like this....
and a man who looks like this......
She is screaming at him saying! "Iz all cuz uh your damn dranking problem!" "Yew knew I wuz trine to be good at yew!"
He is being calm as can be and by the way the dude is CLEARLY sober and she is CLEARLY piss ass drunk! As they get even closer to me she slaps him in the face and spits on him! He keeps saying "Babay, I'm try-nuh make it work fo us! I'm finna' get uh jobs next week. You know I be lovin you gurl!" She is not trying to hear his sweet talk at this point. She told him that sugar coated lies dont mean nuttin and she was going to leave him. You should also know that she is wearing denim cut offs (VERY short) a grey V neck ( It looked like American Apparel or she was just trying out that "hipster look" for summer) and she had one of those purses that is really small but the strap is like longer than your entire torso and she is holding her straw wedge sandals in her hand. She walked to the other side of the street and that was that!
I really wish Tyra Banks would have been here! She probably would have recruited that girl for the next "cycle" or Top Model! Or she would have gone undercover as a drunk homeless woman on her show! She would have changed that poor womans life!
This was definitely the highlight of an otherwise DULL day!
I get off in 30 minutes
and I am going to drink
and it won't be smart water..
Maybe I will try and find that homeless woman...I bet we would get along so well...and I have a couple Deep V's that I am looking to get rid of!
Friday, July 25, 2008
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Bellydancing Is The New Jam Band/Circle Jerk
Let's start from the beginning. I work with this amazing chick named Andrea who is a member of a local burlesque troupe called "Panty Raid" and for the longest time I have wanted to see them. Well Saturday was my chance to see them at the 5Year Birthday Tease-A-Thon! I was beyond excited. Adorable girls, taking off their clothes to jazz music while wearing sequins and smoking cigarettes and teasing the audience...what more could you want?
N O T B E L L Y D A N C I N G ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Bellydancing has always been kind of dumb to me anyway. If you are not Arabic or Egyptian I persoanlly think that you look really stupid doing it. It's almost like to them it's Halloween all the time, and the only people that really enjoy Bellydancing are other Bellydancers. In reality it's totally like a circle jerk or a Jam Band. They all get together and watch each other thrust their hips around and get off on it...W E I R D.
So Saturday night this group of about 7 girls prance on the stage all serious like they are about to dance for the Prince or some shit. The music starts. It's Sigur Ros. WHAT? I remember thinking how the hell is this going to work? How do you Bellydance to Sigur Ros? The answer is YOU DON'T, and THEY didn't. They stood on stage and did various poses which resembled Tai Chi, or Yoga. I remember asking my friend, are we supposed to participate? Is this a class? For those who know Sigur Ros, you also know that all of their songs are like 9 minutes long! So these bitches are camped out onstage with the look of death in their eyes very very very slowly moving into various poses for TEN MINUTES! I later found out that they were called "Gypsy Hands." How fitting. A stupid name for a stupid group! Someone needs to let them know that Pilates pants from Target hardly classify them as burlesque and our bellydancers, but then again I guess when you are moving slowly into childs pose or squatting dog you need that extra stretch!
Right after "Gypsy Hands" got their "gypsy asses" off the stage. My fabulous friend Andrea AKA Ruby Van GoGo took the stage. I was in the back because the front was taken up by about 25 VIP tables(why?) I quickly shoved my way to the front and some extremely overwight rockabilly girl in a corset(of course) said UGH! Excuse ME! I said Umm I'm sorry do you know her? She said No. I said Well I do...So im just going to be up here for a second THANKS! Andrea shook her ass and took of her clothes and made her titty tassles jiggle and it was amazing! When she was done.....I was done!
I left but for some reason the sound of those fucking gold coin belts that "gypsy hands" had on echoed in my mind ALL night causing me to have horrible dreams about being captured by them and forced to watch there performances for hours upon hours!
FUCK YOU GYPSY HANDS! You Ruined EVERYTHING
The End!
N O T B E L L Y D A N C I N G ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Bellydancing has always been kind of dumb to me anyway. If you are not Arabic or Egyptian I persoanlly think that you look really stupid doing it. It's almost like to them it's Halloween all the time, and the only people that really enjoy Bellydancing are other Bellydancers. In reality it's totally like a circle jerk or a Jam Band. They all get together and watch each other thrust their hips around and get off on it...W E I R D.
So Saturday night this group of about 7 girls prance on the stage all serious like they are about to dance for the Prince or some shit. The music starts. It's Sigur Ros. WHAT? I remember thinking how the hell is this going to work? How do you Bellydance to Sigur Ros? The answer is YOU DON'T, and THEY didn't. They stood on stage and did various poses which resembled Tai Chi, or Yoga. I remember asking my friend, are we supposed to participate? Is this a class? For those who know Sigur Ros, you also know that all of their songs are like 9 minutes long! So these bitches are camped out onstage with the look of death in their eyes very very very slowly moving into various poses for TEN MINUTES! I later found out that they were called "Gypsy Hands." How fitting. A stupid name for a stupid group! Someone needs to let them know that Pilates pants from Target hardly classify them as burlesque and our bellydancers, but then again I guess when you are moving slowly into childs pose or squatting dog you need that extra stretch!
Right after "Gypsy Hands" got their "gypsy asses" off the stage. My fabulous friend Andrea AKA Ruby Van GoGo took the stage. I was in the back because the front was taken up by about 25 VIP tables(why?) I quickly shoved my way to the front and some extremely overwight rockabilly girl in a corset(of course) said UGH! Excuse ME! I said Umm I'm sorry do you know her? She said No. I said Well I do...So im just going to be up here for a second THANKS! Andrea shook her ass and took of her clothes and made her titty tassles jiggle and it was amazing! When she was done.....I was done!
I left but for some reason the sound of those fucking gold coin belts that "gypsy hands" had on echoed in my mind ALL night causing me to have horrible dreams about being captured by them and forced to watch there performances for hours upon hours!
FUCK YOU GYPSY HANDS! You Ruined EVERYTHING
The End!
Friday, July 11, 2008
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