Let's start from the beginning. I work with this amazing chick named Andrea who is a member of a local burlesque troupe called "Panty Raid" and for the longest time I have wanted to see them. Well Saturday was my chance to see them at the 5Year Birthday Tease-A-Thon! I was beyond excited. Adorable girls, taking off their clothes to jazz music while wearing sequins and smoking cigarettes and teasing the audience...what more could you want?
N O T B E L L Y D A N C I N G ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Bellydancing has always been kind of dumb to me anyway. If you are not Arabic or Egyptian I persoanlly think that you look really stupid doing it. It's almost like to them it's Halloween all the time, and the only people that really enjoy Bellydancing are other Bellydancers. In reality it's totally like a circle jerk or a Jam Band. They all get together and watch each other thrust their hips around and get off on it...W E I R D.
So Saturday night this group of about 7 girls prance on the stage all serious like they are about to dance for the Prince or some shit. The music starts. It's Sigur Ros. WHAT? I remember thinking how the hell is this going to work? How do you Bellydance to Sigur Ros? The answer is YOU DON'T, and THEY didn't. They stood on stage and did various poses which resembled Tai Chi, or Yoga. I remember asking my friend, are we supposed to participate? Is this a class? For those who know Sigur Ros, you also know that all of their songs are like 9 minutes long! So these bitches are camped out onstage with the look of death in their eyes very very very slowly moving into various poses for TEN MINUTES! I later found out that they were called "Gypsy Hands." How fitting. A stupid name for a stupid group! Someone needs to let them know that Pilates pants from Target hardly classify them as burlesque and our bellydancers, but then again I guess when you are moving slowly into childs pose or squatting dog you need that extra stretch!
Right after "Gypsy Hands" got their "gypsy asses" off the stage. My fabulous friend Andrea AKA Ruby Van GoGo took the stage. I was in the back because the front was taken up by about 25 VIP tables(why?) I quickly shoved my way to the front and some extremely overwight rockabilly girl in a corset(of course) said UGH! Excuse ME! I said Umm I'm sorry do you know her? She said No. I said Well I do...So im just going to be up here for a second THANKS! Andrea shook her ass and took of her clothes and made her titty tassles jiggle and it was amazing! When she was done.....I was done!
I left but for some reason the sound of those fucking gold coin belts that "gypsy hands" had on echoed in my mind ALL night causing me to have horrible dreams about being captured by them and forced to watch there performances for hours upon hours!
FUCK YOU GYPSY HANDS! You Ruined EVERYTHING
The End!
N O T B E L L Y D A N C I N G ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Bellydancing has always been kind of dumb to me anyway. If you are not Arabic or Egyptian I persoanlly think that you look really stupid doing it. It's almost like to them it's Halloween all the time, and the only people that really enjoy Bellydancing are other Bellydancers. In reality it's totally like a circle jerk or a Jam Band. They all get together and watch each other thrust their hips around and get off on it...W E I R D.
So Saturday night this group of about 7 girls prance on the stage all serious like they are about to dance for the Prince or some shit. The music starts. It's Sigur Ros. WHAT? I remember thinking how the hell is this going to work? How do you Bellydance to Sigur Ros? The answer is YOU DON'T, and THEY didn't. They stood on stage and did various poses which resembled Tai Chi, or Yoga. I remember asking my friend, are we supposed to participate? Is this a class? For those who know Sigur Ros, you also know that all of their songs are like 9 minutes long! So these bitches are camped out onstage with the look of death in their eyes very very very slowly moving into various poses for TEN MINUTES! I later found out that they were called "Gypsy Hands." How fitting. A stupid name for a stupid group! Someone needs to let them know that Pilates pants from Target hardly classify them as burlesque and our bellydancers, but then again I guess when you are moving slowly into childs pose or squatting dog you need that extra stretch!
Right after "Gypsy Hands" got their "gypsy asses" off the stage. My fabulous friend Andrea AKA Ruby Van GoGo took the stage. I was in the back because the front was taken up by about 25 VIP tables(why?) I quickly shoved my way to the front and some extremely overwight rockabilly girl in a corset(of course) said UGH! Excuse ME! I said Umm I'm sorry do you know her? She said No. I said Well I do...So im just going to be up here for a second THANKS! Andrea shook her ass and took of her clothes and made her titty tassles jiggle and it was amazing! When she was done.....I was done!
I left but for some reason the sound of those fucking gold coin belts that "gypsy hands" had on echoed in my mind ALL night causing me to have horrible dreams about being captured by them and forced to watch there performances for hours upon hours!
FUCK YOU GYPSY HANDS! You Ruined EVERYTHING
The End!
2 comments:
still the funniest thing i have read in a while.
this is my new favorite blog, so post again soon.
xo
Chelsea Marie
thank u for this
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